So the weekend was interesting if nothing else.
Conversation during the wee hours of Saturday revolved around relationships and expectations.
Physical appearance, age, intelligence, shared interests, conversational skills, maturity, empathy, accomplishment, religion and social stature were some of the requirements that were mentioned.
While I agreed with some of the above, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was all too rational. Based on those requirements you could get someone to fill out an application form and pre-screen them before making your choice. Somewhat like a ‘mail-order bride’.
Whatever happened to good old ‘falling’ for someone? With no rhyme or reason.
And I don’t mean physical attraction, infatuation or any other corny romantic notions.
I’m referring to feelings that develop over time. Uncalculated and natural.
What about connecting with someone so well that you can read each other’s thoughts? Knowing someone’s worst flaws but loving them anyway? Being so blissfully comfortable in their company that silence is as enjoyable as talking all night?
What about wanting someone knowing it’s all wrong? Loving someone even when rational requirements are not met?
When this happens does it matter how old they are or what their religion is or how qualified they are?
I don’t deny that these rational factors will build the right foundation for a compatible relationship. But demanding that these requirements be met, waiting for the mathematics to be right and checking them off on a mental list seems rather exhausting if not unnatural to me.
One can argue that when you find someone who fulfills all of the above, love can ‘grow’. And I believe it can. But wouldn’t that be conditional? Like an employment agreement that says “if you qualify, I will offer you remuneration with regular increments”.
Besides, in the dynamics of a long term relationship isn’t it the irrational feeling of love that helps you weather the storms and not the logical ones like social compatibility.
So call me a dreamer, but I’d rather love someone who is wrong for me than ‘settle’ for someone who is right for me.