Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

I was tagged by thekillromeoproject on this ‘letter to your 16 year old self’ business started by RD.

Well here goes…

Dear 16 year old Delilah,

So you must be busy running around with that floppy haired boy you met last year huh? The one you swore to love forever and ever. Well, there’s something about him that I always wanted to ask you.

What the hell were you thinking???!!! Seriously.

Still I’m sure you’d like to know where it’s going, so let me tell you. He will over the years develop a fake American accent, barely scrape through college and will literally bore you to tears. 6 years from now you will leave him and never look back. I could tell you to walk away now and save yourself the heartache, but I’m not going to because it won’t kill you.

As for love, you will find it. More than once.  

You’d be surprised to hear that the friends you would give your life for at 16 will be lucky to get a phone call from you in time. They will be scattered all over the world and you will make new friends, which is not a bad thing at all.

Parents will be parents. And yours will never change. Enjoy all your escapades. What they don’t know won’t hurt.  I can assure you that you will not get caught. If ever you do, just use your head or your brother and you will surely get away with murder. But please don’t sneak out and go to a batch party on the 9th of September 1999 because you father will turn up on the dance floor and say ‘Get in the car. Now’. So not cool.

Education is good. Try and get it while your parents are paying for it. It’s not like you have anything better to do anyway except hang on the phone with that boy (and we both know how that turns out).

Oh and you know that dream job of yours? It will trap you, drain you and drive you crazy. But it will also become your career, your passion, your life blood. So all in all, good choice.

Now, could you please stop staring in the mirror, loathing your non-existent ass because you will eventually fill those jeans with a vengeance. Also, that cup size 30A will soon be a distant memory.

I know you are at that curious age so yeah, sex is a good thing but it really is true, the first time does hurt like hell. After that it’s as good as chocolate. Well almost.

I also feel compelled to tell you that your mother lied, periods don’t get any easier. But Sri Lanka will discover Whisper with wings.

One thing that won’t change over time is your taste in music and believe it or not you will actually meet someone who listens to the same stuff. Your precious walkman will be replaced by a tiny magic box called an iPod and you should keep an eye out for a fascinating thing called YouTube where you can find almost any music video. But then the internet is a whole other kettle of fish.

Speaking of fish, no you never will develop a liking for it but would you believe me if I told you that someday you will pay extravagantly to eat raw fish?

I simply must tell you something about alcohol. Football world cup 2006, stay as far away from the vodka as you can. You will learn the hard way that Bacardi makes you ill and Tequila makes you emotional. Just thought I’d give you a heads up.

You know how all these safety advertisements and your parents tell you to wear your seatbelt? Wear it. It might be the only thing saving you from a ten foot long steel pipe that comes through the windshield.  

So yeah, that’s about it. I’m afraid I haven’t done a lot of growing up since I was 16 and there aren’t too many things I would want you to change because I quite liked my life the way it was.

Cheers!

And I hereby tag

The Gutterflower

Love God Jack Point

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40 thoughts on “Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

  1. LOL hilarious….!

    Now, could you please stop staring in the mirror, loathing your non-existent ass because you will eventually fill those jeans with a vengeance. Also, that cup size 30A will soon be a distant memory.

    oh and your dad came on the dance floor and took u home??

    [dies laughing]

    aaah i remember this 10 foot pole story from charmbracelet…

  2. lol, loved the “Whisper with wings” and the mirror bits 😛
    and your dad!!!
    he sounds like Red from That 70’s Show (:
    a 10 foot pole?
    O_o

    will I ever know what this Jack Point business is all about with you ladies? 😛
    do you’ll even read his blog? -.-

  3. you might want to take that bit about whisper with wings out. no point building your 16 year old self’s hopes up since a few years later the damn thing goes off the market.

    yes, i’m still peeved about that.

    nice post.

  4. GG, thank you 🙂

    PP, i know right. cant believe theres nothing even remotely like it in the market. and thanks 🙂

    TKRP, thanks and are you kidding me? especially after your ‘tongue’ advice? 😛

  5. 16 year old you was such a loser :p

    Whisper wings are the shiz eh? What would we all do without em?

    *hopes he didn’t pick the wrong random point on post to agree with, as usual*

  6. Wijitha, thanks and yup almost as useful as the other WWW 😛

    TSC, i guess it was 🙂

    RD, thank you. interesting tag. and yeah i still have nightmares about finding my dad on the dance floor 🙂

    Gallicissa, aw thank you 🙂

    Geraldine, yes you WOULD know about sanitary napkins 😛 and walkman?pffft *looks down on it with distaste

  7. Whisper with wings are off the market? but I see them all the time…

    Fantastic post by the way… love the way you reassure yourself about the ass… 🙂

  8. I just read your thread and really enjoyed it. I thought I should tell you about my book which came out in October Dear Me, A Letter To My Sixteen Year Old Self.
    You might want to check it out!

    Joe G
    Editor

  9. Scrumpy, aw thanks. and yeah there was just soooo much they should never ever know.

    Joe, will check it out. thank you 🙂

    Sabz, yeah i wasnt a very good kid 🙂

    Unsilent, thank you. thats quite a compliment 🙂

  10. 1. fantastic post 🙂 always have loved ur work.
    2. w.r.t ur dad finding u on the dance floor, u speak of dying of embarrassment, but i’m curious what were the after effects of him finding that u had snuck off and gone to a party!?
    3. what happened to whisper with wings?

  11. confab,
    1. thank you 🙂
    2. consequences were being grounded forever, no tv or computer.
    3. whisper has just vanished off the market!

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