Wedding Fever

by Delilah


A family wedding is happening tomorrow.

So we have rented this gorgeous place by the beach and in true Sri Lankan style 24 people have decided to cram into a a six bedroom house. The bride’s family and the groom’s all in one house. Unfortunately this includes 8 white people who are beginning to look more and more bewildered by the minute. I’m not entirely sure that it is legal to make so much noise in a quiet shore town neighborhood.

My cousins and I take turns rolling our eyes at regular intervals because in the last few days we have heard the likes of the groom’s mom, a stately lady well past 60 say Oh.Em.Geeeee (OMG) and another aunt say “I refuse to kiss his ass” in reference to her husband. Hardly anyone is speaking to one aunt and everyone is bitching about another. Aunties are comparing husbands while the uncles are comparing beer bellies.

Family politics are on the stove and sleeping arrangements, hilarious. The groom’s parents who have been divorced for over 20 years have announced coyly that they are sharing a room.  The bride’s parents are still married but her father is sleeping in the game room. 

As if the people staying here arent enough, more people keep dropping in and staying for meals. We have all kinds here from bossy aunties to pervy uncles who forget to close their mouths when you bend over to pick up a suitcase.

Real disasters such as the custom-made 4 tiered wedding cake tray getting left behind in a city many hours away are shadowed by bigger catastrophies like  clogged bathrooms and girls being walked in on while showering.

As a result, the bride cried yesterday and threatened to move into a hotel and the poor groom walks around looking harassed within an inch of his life. In my opinion he’s lucky not to understand a word of Sinhalese. So at least its all just noise to him.  

But it’s not all bad. This morning I sauntered downstairs to the smell of turkey sausages wafting through the house. Three uncles together had prepared a massive feast of sausages, eggs, toast, croissants with honey and a Sri lankan style salmon curry for good measure.  Although most of us had already staked out a diner by the sea for breakfast we opted to stay and eat in a loud, overcrowded kitchen because the food was really that good. Everyone bonds over meals and I think the parents seem to know that the only thing that keeps kids in the house is food. So there is an abundance of everything. Later today I hear there will be Jambalaya for lunch – my favorite.

I’ve been observing both, the Americans and Sri Lankans at very close quarters and it is so painfully obvious what a dramatic race we are. But we are also definitely the more interesting of the two.