Ten years ago today, my ex and I broke up.
It was a big deal because we had been together a really long time – since we were kids actually. Families were involved and we had mapped our entire future together. But now in retrospect I wonder, how big a deal it could have been because even after all that time we were still kids really.
Problem with falling in love when that young was neither of us bargained for how much the other would change as we grew up. And as it turned out over time we drove each other nuts. Didnt help that the last 3 years of it was a long distance relationship.
He moved, I refused to go with him. He wanted to have sex, I said I’d rather wait. He wanted to get married, I said not yet please. So he punished me and I froze him out. End of that summer we decided to cool it till we met in december.
Then one september morning, while it rained so hard that I could barely hear him on the phone, he said
‘ I slept with someone but I was so drunk’.
I said nothing
He said ‘what happens now?’
I said ‘maybe I’ll go sleep with someone too’
He got angry. Said he loved me and he was sorry.
I said ‘its over’.
We were just two kids in college trying to make sense of why love just wasnt enough to make a relationship work. But, love each other, we did and of that I have no doubt.
I couldnt be mad at him so we stayed friends and I moved on pretty quickly, never looking back. He didnt do so well, but I think he’s okay now.
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Our lives had been intertwined for almost half of our existence and I didnt know a world beyond him. It was also as hard to extricate myself from his family who had adopted me as one of their own and I them. Letting go of his mother was especially tough.
June this year, I saw the girl. The one he slept with. I knew her from way back then but hadnt seen her in the last ten years. Not since she slept with him.
I used to swear that if ever I see her I would probably slap her, but that night looking at her all I felt was the urge to walk over and say ‘thank you’. Thank you for saving me from the worst mistake I could have made.
I dont regret the years I spent with him because it was an eternal summer for most part and he was always so good to me but had we ever got married it would have been catastrophic.
They say ‘love’ at that age is only infatuation, but I disagree because it couldnt have been anything else for so many years. In the end though, I couldnt love him enough. I couldnt love him in the right ways or give him what he wanted. I was too much my own person to give up my dreams for his cookie cutter American life. I think even he eventually got that.
Now, ten years down the line we barely talk, which I’d say is a testimony to how life goes on and I think we have done good, he and I.
So this ones for you C. I hope you are happy.
*Title from Lucky Love – Ace of Base